-John Churton Collins
I had an amazing weekend. I felt like I laughed hard all weekend long, and I know that laughter is truly the best medicine. I love that I was able to go to Vegas for my friend's bachelorette party and enjoy myself. I am so lucky that I am able to still live my life, and not let this cancer business get me down. The only downfall to the weekend was my wig smelled like Vegas casino when I got home! haha
I know It took me a long time to tell the facebook world about my diagnosis. It wasn't like I wanted it to be a secret, but I just felt like it wasn't an appropriate forum for discussing things that are so "serious." But does it have to be so serious? I think if you can't laugh through this life then you really aren't living it. So now, the word is out. It is what it is!
I was especially nervous to share information about fundraisers. Is it shameful to be self promoting when I have a need? How do I feel about this? I was really struggling with the decision and felt guilty about it. But in the end, I am so thankful that I shared this news on facebook (and on this site) because it was relieving to me and has been SO rewarding. Several others have stepped up and offered to help, and it just keeps coming. At first, I really resisted getting any help. So many people find out about my diagnosis and the first question they have is "what can I do to help?" I am beginning to realize that I have to let go and allow people to help me. I know how good it feels to give and I am finally coming to grips with it all.
I just found out that I am going to be getting a very small tax return, which was really depressing. I am also going to be getting less income because of being on disability. Because of this, I decided that starting March 1st I am going to be taking my kids out of daycare in order to save money. Can I handle having them at home all of the time? Will my daycare provider (and friend) be ok financially without the income from my kids being there? Right when this was all beginning to stress me out, God stepped in...
The event on Monday was a huge success. Justine and her crew in the salon were able to raise $1674 (and counting)! Let that number sink in for a minute. I can't even begin to describe how this makes me feel. I just laughed (and cried) because it's so unfathomable to me. I was there, I saw how busy it was, but... wow. It truly gave me hope that everything is going to be ok. It was so heartwarming to see so many people there, some of which I didn't even know. I am truly the most fortunate person alive. I have to be. I am still pinching myself to know that it's real.
Every night in my prayers I am thanking God for his blessings. I stopped asking for what I need, because that's not what prayer is for. I don't need to ask, it will just come. I need to give praise. So here it is: I am thankful for every day of my life, for love, for my family, for my friends, for the cancer that is currently melting away, for the ability to give others hope, and for the outpouring of support along this journey.