Thursday I thought, "well Wednesday sucked but at least today I get to make my boobies bigger and potentially less odd shaped." Unfortunately, that didn't work out as planned either. When we got to the office, we had to wait for an hour (because doc was running over in a surgery) just to find out that my right breast wasn't healed enough to be expanded. He removed some surgical glue and put on steri-strips and sent me on my merry way with an appointment for NEXT Friday. So I get to wait another week for that experience. Meanwhile, I finally got the thumbs up for deodorant but it's still hard to wash under my arms. It's getting frustrating. He said the reason it hurts under my breasts is because I have internal stitches all along there- holding in the alloderm. Oh, and I complained to him about the skin removal possibility that Dr. Link had mentioned, and he said it would be no big deal... they would just remove the skin during my surgery where they replace my expanders with implants. He also seemed weary of radiation, but he's coming from a plastic surgery perspective. He thinks it will mess with the cosmetic results. Obviously, I'm not as concerned with how "pretty" my boobs look as he is, but we shall see what they all decide.
Today I drove out to Long Beach to meet with "the wig guy." My wig has been too hot to wear, plus it was really getting dry and knotted in the back so I haven't been wearing it. I did everything I could to fix it, but decided that it needed to go pro. He ended up removing some hair off the back and sewing in some new hair and then giving it a nice trim. We were there for about an hour, and he was so nice about it. He didn't even charge me, and then Chris goes and spills coffee all over his floor. He probably never wants to see me again! haha
It has been a crazy, busy week, yet nothing really happened. To make matters worse, I had a nervous breakdown in Target because I continually tried on hat after hat after hat... and every single one made me look like... a lesbian. There, I said it. And Chris was just laughing at me, so I threw my beanie into the cart and began to cry. He probably thinks I'm a hormonal, unstable, crazy person. What he doesn't seem to understand is that "cancer patient" was not a label I chose- so some days I just don't want to wear it proudly. Just because he thinks I look "fine" doesn't mean I feel that way. It's virtually impossible to hide my cancer-look under a hat, hence the trip to the wig guy was initiated. On a side note- I am experiencing some cramping so I'm hoping that maybe this outburst just means I'm about to start my period again (finally) and not that I'm an emotional basket case. But these frequent hot flashes make me think otherwise. Oh well, it is what it is and it's just another part of the process that I'll get through... eventually.